Becoming A Slave Read online

  Becoming a Slave The Theory & Practice of Voluntary Servitude By Jack Rinella

  with Reflections by His Slave Patrick

  Copies of

  Becoming a slave

  may be ordered at

  http://www.leatherviews.com

  Copyright © 2005 by Jack Rinella

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmit-ted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including pho-tocopying, recording, or by any informational storage or retreival system except with permission in writing from the publisher.

  Published by

  Rinella Editorial Services

  4205 N Avers Ave.

  Chicago, IL 60618 USA

  www.RinellaEditorial.com

  Cover design by

  Jack Rinella

  ISBN

  Printed in the United States of America

  To my devoted slaves

  Patrick & Matthew

  And

  In memory of our good friend John Feuer

  And another true slave

  rodtney Jordan-ross

  Also by Jack Rinel a:

  The Master’s Manual

  The Compleat Slave

  Partners In Power

  The Toy Bag Guide to Clips and Clamps

  Visit his website at www.LeatherViews.com

  Table of Contents

  Introduction ............................................................. 1

  A Complementary Relationship .............................. 15

  The Cal To Serve .................................................. 33

  Finding a Partner ................................................... 49

  Negotiating the Relationship .................................. 77

  Committing Yourself ............................................... 97

  The Training Process ........................................... 117

  The Slave’s Training ............................................ 133

  The Role of Punishment ...................................... 145

  The Smal & Not-so-smal Stuff ............................ 155

  The Real Slave .................................................... 185

  Sexual Service .................................................... 193

  The Place of Kink ................................................ 209

  Polyamorous M/s ................................................. 225

  The Healthy D/s Relationship ............................... 239

  Glossary .............................................................. 255

  Guidelines for a Questionnaire ............................. 261

  Expectations and Regulations .............................. 263

  Suggested Reading ............................................. 269

  An Interview with Patrick ...................................... 271

  Resources ........................................................... 279

  About the Author .................................................. 281

  Copies of

  Becoming a slave

  may be ordered at

  http://www.leatherviews.com

  Introduction

  It takes as much energy to wish as it does to plan.26

  I found my first introduction to Master/slave (M/s)27 relationships in the pages of Mr. Benson, a novel by John Preston published in 1983.

  Like The Story of O (1954), Tarnsman of Gor (1967), and The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty (also 1983), fiction has long provided the erotic gist that feeds the imagination of would-be dominants and submissives alike.

  But I am neither a New York mil ionaire like Mr. Benson, a prince in an ancient country, a French maiden, nor a man transported across the solar system. So, like the rest of us, I have found ways to translate fiction into some kind of satisfactory reality -- one not crafted by writers or actors but by real men and women living in the here and now. I have had to find the master within, while searching for that special person who believes that he or she was not only born to serve, but born to serve me.

  This has been a twenty year journey, during which I have met hundreds of people either in cyberspace or real time: masters and their slaves, serious seekers and flakes, the curious and the experienced.

  I have attempted to enthral more than a hundred of them and have been successful, in the short term, with more than several. My more than nine years with my slave Patrick has proven the viability of my desires, as have the relationships of the masters, mistresses, and their slaves whom I have been privileged to know during these years.

  Experience shows that M/s relationships are first and foremost human relationships. No amount of domination or submission will change the fact that both masters and slaves are human. Intel ect, emotion, physical attributes, finances, mores, and morals are part and parcel of our relationships. For that reason, I find that I am too pragmatic for the dogmatists who seek easy, pre-packaged solutions for becoming a master or finding a slave. Let me be clear here: Creating a master/slave relationship is a very personal, completely human activity that wil always reflect the unique ideas, preferences, and agreements of the people in the relationship. There is no cookie-cutter recipe for becoming a slave except that you fol ow the desires of heart.

  An Amazon.com book reviewer once wrote that my work, The Master’s Manual, might have been written by any marriage counselor 26

  Eleanor Roosevelt, cited in Whatever It Takes by Bob Moawad, Compendium Publishing, Lynwood, WA, 2003.

  27

  As you read on, you will find that I use M/s and D/s somewhat interchangeably. In fact, both are dominant/submissive relationships. M/s more specifically indicates a master/

  slave relationship whereas D/s by in itself refers to any dominant/submissive relationship.

  1

  and that it was full of common sense suggestions that gave few specific ideas to someone who wanted to be in a dominant/submissive (D/s) relationship. As a friend once said, “Duh.” We are humans and relationships between humans wil always reflect our humanity.

  What is just as true is that even the kinky28 aspects of our relationships are seldom consistent and hardly ever universal. I cannot, therefore, give you ready-made presentations as to how you ought to fashion your slave future or, if you are dominant, your future slave. I can paint pictures of broad generalities and give examples of actual practices but the hard truth is that successful M/s relationships are tailored to the two (or more) people in them. Just as clothes come in many sizes, so too are there wide variations in the M/s continuum. From sadistic tyrant to elegant lady, from chattel farm hand to sissy maid, there is no one style that fits al and no one can easily catalogue al of them either.

  I recently read an on-line post from a writer seeking information about slave protocols, that is the “rules” by which slaves are to treat their masters and others. She wanted to interview master/slave couples about the correct protocols found in the lifestyle. The interviews that helped shape this book prove that there is no consistent way for M/s relationships to be expressed. Is she looking for protocols between Gay leathermen, between professional Dominatrices and their clients, between elegant mistresses and their attendants, or between sadistic masters and their raunch slaves? Master/slave relationships, after al , come in al sizes, colors, and temperaments.

  Even if we examine only one of these modalities we find wide variations in the specifics. Are slaves supposed to walk in front of their masters, to their right or left, or behind? I can find examples of each practice among those who rightful y identify as master and slave. To label one way better than another is to venture into dangerous territory to be sure. What I can
do is to lay down the general principles that appear in M/s relationships, while presenting examples that il ustrate, rather than directives that limit.

  For instance, my friend Master Vince has a style of domination quite different from mine. He once met a slave applicant on line and then in person. It seemed to both of them that there was no future between them as master and slave. At the same time, Vince suspected that my style would fit the applicant wel and arranged for us to correspond via email. Within the week the applicant was in my home and eventual y was col ared and under contract. One style does not fit al .

  As a master I have peculiar ways of doing things and of how 28

  For our purposes, kink and kinky refer to any sexual relationship that includes BDSM, that is bondage, discipline (whipping, spanking, and other impact fetishes), dominance, submission, sadism, and masochism.

  2

  I want them done. For better or for worse, you can’t create as I have, since you are not me. Imitation may indeed be a compliment but healthy relationships are built on faithfulness to oneself, not to some idealized fantasy of how one thinks things should be.

  My approach in these pages is to clarify and explain, especial y by clearly defining and giving actual examples. My aim is to demythologize in order to make attainable a fulfil ing master/slave relationship. After al , if you can’t live it, it has little more purpose than to feed one’s libido.

  That’s the stuff of porn, not reality. My purpose is to guide you on your very personal path in finding a master, though I trust that masters will also find something of value in this book as wel .

  A Quick Note about My Writing Style

  Contrary to more popular usage I prefer to use standard American spel ing and rules of grammar and punctuation, avoiding (I hope) the more usual misuses of our language. Therefore you will notice that slaves’ names begin, as I think they should, with capital letters and that slaves are hes or shes, not its. My reasoning for this is simple: those who are committed to obey and serve us masters have accepted a high cal ing, one that I find most honorable and I honor them for doing so. Though many disagree with me (and they have every right to do so) I find the use of the lower case and of impersonal pronouns demeaning. I certainly does nothing to acknowledge the high value I place on what slaves are and what they do. Additional y, using non-standard usage makes a book more difficult to read.

  The only places I have been wil ing to deviate from standard usage is when the person has asked me to do so in reference to them.

  Therefore you wil , on occasion, find titles and names in a grammatical y incorrect style, but it is after al , their name not mine.

  Several of the readers who proofed the manuscript form of this book pointed out the confusion of similar terms that point to realities that have much in common yet remain vaguely apart. I admit to using terms interchangeably when, in fact, they refer to distinct but closely related groups. The interchange of D/s and M/s, of Leather, Lifestyle, and Subculture, and of groups, community, and communities are al just such examples. I do this intentional y as that al ows me to add variety to my writing. Otherwise if I consistently used the same terms over and over again, I’d be damned for being too repetitious.

  In truth, these terms have more in common than separate them, though one can find clear lines of separation, as between Gay Leather men and Pansexual munch attendees.29 I wil try to define 29

  A munch is a public meeting of kinky folks, usually held at a restaurant as a safe way for on-line people to meet. The munches are a place to find play partners, learn about groups, and become part of a real-time and place community. Pansexual means open to all 3

  terms that seem to need definition, though I admit that is a value call on my part.

  Words as simple as master and slave confuse the discussion.

  After al , slavery, at least the pre-Civil War kind, is il egal nearly across the planet. What, then, is a slave? The words are found in our literature, our seminars, our classifieds, our films, and our emails ad nauseam.

  Experience has shown that few are slaves, even fewer masters, if we but look at the words as found in a dictionary.30 Rather than lump all dominants into a nice neat pile of masters and al submissives as slaves (and many are not) we had best see the terms modified by adjectives such as wannabe, trainee, applicant, apprenticed, or actual.

  The reason I modify the word slave is simple. Used alone, it defines a person who is in a relationship. Just as husband and wife are terms used for those who are actual y married so too does slave reflect a living relationship that is being lived in the current time. Wannabe husbands and wannabe wives are cal ed fiancés and fiancées; they may be engaged but they are not yet wed. Even on the day of their marriage, we name them bride and groom. Only after the official pronouncement is made are they husband and wife. Likewise divorced or widowed spouses are no longer cal ed husband or wife.

  I know that many of my readers wil protest my limited qualification of who is a slave. They real y believe they are slaves even though they haven’t found a master to serve. Stil I stand my ground on this issue.

  Be a slave applicant or a slave trainee or say you want to be a slave.

  The title slave wil be much more meaningful and real if you wait and use it when it’s truly appropriate.

  Let me take each combination of words individual y.

  Wannabes

  Though the word wannabe has certain unfavorable connotations,31

  we can simply say that a person with no connection to a master but who is considering slavery as a life option is a wannabe slave. For them slavery is an unrealized idea that reflects a potential. We al begin as wannabes, since wanting to be is the beginning of the process. It is first desire that leads us to explore slavery, eventual y leading us to become trainees, apprentices, applicants, and, hopeful y, slaves.

  genders and orientations. Gay Leathermen, on the other hand, generally meet in bars, at club functions or on line.

  30

  I use the dictionary in order to give some understanding to our use and misuse of terms. If, as is often the case, we each use the same word when it means different things to each person in the conversation, we have a serious communication problem.

  31

  I would prefer to use a different term, since wannabe has a somewhat negative connotation, but I can’t for the life of me come up with a better one. In fact the word is only a variation of “wants to be,” and there is nothing wrong with that.

  4

  Trainees

  So I choose to cal those studying or working with a mentor or potential partner a slave trainee. Trainees are those learning from a mentor, a person who is simply a casual teacher, or one who is preparing the other to enter into a relationship with them. Apprentices are similar, of course, but I would say that an apprentice is learning from one in order to be in a relationship with someone else. Thus one master may agree to take on another who wants to be apprenticed as a slave.

  In this regard, anyone with experience can train or mentor another. In fact, there is great historical precedence for slaves mentoring or training other slaves.

  Applicants

  When two people agree to the possibility of their becoming partners, I consider them both applicants. Therefore the master is applying to become the other’s master and the slave is applying to become the dominant’s property, which wil be explained more clearly in later chapters. Until the col ar is locked or the contract signed, or however they want to establish the beginning of their relationship, they are applying for a position not yet achieved. Lord knows there’s many a slip between the cup and the lip.

  Slaves

  Lastly, we need to understand the term “slave.” In fact it is only a short hand for one who surrenders, obeys, and gives service to one who has the ability and consent to control them. For that reason it is not altogether correct to use the term slave. As indicated in the subtitle of this book, the actual relationship is better cal ed one of voluntary servitude. Never
theless our D/s community continues to cal one in just such a relationship “a slave.”32 Perhaps some day published dictionaries wil get on the band wagon with us and add our definition as wel .

  The word slave describes an individual who is in that relationship.

  Getting there is a process of self-knowledge and mutual testing until the partners arrive at an agreed-upon dominant/submissive relationship.

  Just as non-kinky partners court, so too do we, each trying to woo the other. It is a matter of getting to know one another, of testing to see if a relationship could actual y work, of understanding each other’s aspirations, and the viability of there being a long term relationship.

  32

  Throughout this book I will use the term “slave” as a convenient shorthand for the title given a person who is in a relationship of voluntary servitude.

  5

  The Approach I Take

  This book is a blue print for enthral ment. I am giving first a broad and general definition of the slave, fol owed by suggestions for finding a master, and concluding with reflections on a slave’s life.

  It is first and foremost factual technique, the alchemy of changing one’s current way of life into something stil yet only imagined, one path among many to becoming a slavishly devoted servant. Because our M/s relationships are ful y personalized by our own desires and circumstances, you wil find that the lessons found herein are ful of suggestions and alternatives for designing, creating, and living your personal D/s relationship, rather than an exact plan for accomplishing your M/s goals. In the end I can only point you in a direction. You and your partner or partner-to-be wil have to create your relationship for yourselves.