Becoming A Slave Read online

  Let me separate fact from fiction. Like most of those experienced in M/s relationships, I find that I spend a lot of time debunking the myths and prejudices that are deeply and by nature intertwined within the fantasies of those just entering this lifestyle. Herein are no instructions on reliving the glory that was Rome or Greece, the shame of pre-Civil War slavery, or some fantasy of kidnapping and captivity. Instead this book is meant to be a guide to voluntary servitude, which is a much more appropriate term for that in which we Leather33 dominants and submissives are so deeply engaged.

  This type of relationship holds no escape from life. In fact, like al relationships, it wil tend to magnify the areas in your life which need to change. This is no free ride, either for master or slave, as the cost of living is the same: insurance, medical bil s, rent, utilities, clothing, education, room and board, vacations, retirement, and al the necessities of reality remain. It’s not al sex either. It is most likely that more time wil be spent outside of the relationship at work than in any other place. Then sleep wil consume another third of your week and most of the rest of the time wil be needed for laundry, house cleaning, cooking, shopping, and a host of other assorted chores.

  Just deciding to become a slave isn’t enough as you wil find the search for your dominant partner wil be long and arduous, fil ed with a great many dead ends, broken promises, and dreamers who wil waste your time. Think about it for a minute. One doesn’t decide to become a doctor and begin practicing medicine the next day. We don’t decide we want a husband or wife and immediately walk down the aisle with the first person we date. Creating a new life, whatever it might be, takes time, learning, practice, reflection, and (usual y) a 33

  Here I use the term “Leather” as a euphemism for any and all kinds of kinky relationships, including BDSM, D/s, and alternate lifestyles.

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  great deal of preparation. But for those who persevere, a delightful and fulfil ing relationship awaits.

  The rule here is that the practical and the pragmatic wil take precedent over the frivolous and the imaginary. If it doesn’t work we won’t use it. If it ain’t broke we won’t fix it. We are talking about real lives lived in a real world. Unlike Mr. Benson, we’l have to go to work (though to be fair he did disappear from his penthouse on a daily basis).

  Unlike Beauty, no prince wil awaken us with a kiss and take us to his realm of sexual enthral ment. The relationship described herein is meant to be real, lived daily by real men and women, in real places around the world.

  There are two aspects to the journey of becoming a slave: the first is nature, the second is nurture.

  By nature I mean that being submissive has much to do with one’s personality and disposition, hence we talk about being “born to serve.” Nature implies a certain innate talent, abilities that are part and parcel of who we are.

  But nature alone is not enough. Hence there is a need for nurturing, as in “to educate, to train; to help grow or develop; cultivate.”34

  To train, “To coach in or accustom to a mode of behavior or performance; to make proficient with specialized instruction and practice”, then, is the purpose of this book. I use that word purposeful y, since real slavery and true service are manifest in behavioral outcomes. Not only are a master and slave who they are but more importantly they are known as who they are by how they live and what they do.

  For that reason this book isn’t about daddies, tops, bottoms, or submissives, per se, though I surely trust those who identify as such wil find much of value in these pages. I admit to being verbal y rigorous here. I have a rather intense, deeply committed, and serious relationship in mind when I write about mastery and slavery. It’s not that those who want to play at it can’t, nor that the merely curious won’t find much of value in my writing. I only state this warning now so that my purpose is clear:

  This book is a guide to becoming a slave in devotion and service to a master.

  I have also written the book on the premise that my reader has more than a passing familiarity with our kinky community. The merely curious wil find a great deal herein that describes our lifestyle, but I am presuming that my reader is already familiar with the more general customs, mores, and practices found in kinky communities.

  34

  All references to definitions are from American Heritage Dictionary, Houghton Mifflin, Boston, MA, 1982, unless otherwise noted.

  7

  In other words, there are basic techniques, modes of communication, and a unique vocabulary that probably ought to be learned before one decides to enter into a long term master/slave relationship.

  Your understanding of masters and slaves needs be rooted in a familiarity with the general culture of Leather as learned by your full participation within that community. If you haven’t yet met “us” in the real world, I suggest you read a primer35 or two and find a Leather bar or club, a munch or monthly play party and become an active participant in our lifestyle before you seek a master. Mastery and slavery are no places for a lone ranger, if only because you’re going to have to meet a lot of people before you meet the one who was meant for you.

  Ideal y one trains through a wide variety of activities. I wil be the first to admit that just reading this book isn’t going to make you a slave.

  One needs the experience of sharing with those who have relevant experience, perhaps even being mentored by them, of practicing the specific activities and behaviors associated with service so that they become natural y occurring in one’s daily life, and of deciding how you most want to express and arrange your life and its relationships in real ways so that you are a slave. Nuances of method and execution, of speech, and of thought must be understood. There are psychological and emotional changes that one undergoes as wel , on the road to attaining ful maturity in one’s chosen lifestyle.

  Both mastery and service will be naturally structured by the two (or more) people in the relationship. Your very personal histories, personalities, localities, orientations, among a host of other characteristics, determine who you are and what you want to be. You can’t submerge who you are or from whence you come in the living of a relationship. For that reason there is no one way to be a master and neither is there one way to be a slave. When lived to its ful est it will be your (and this word is plural) creation. What I can give you in these pages are guidelines, suggestions, and real-life examples upon which you can model your own beliefs, desires, and behaviors.

  Although the greater part of this book is derived from my 20 plus years of mastery, including five years as a slave, this book includes the information taken from interviews with men and women who have experience in a master/slave relationship. I have tried to be as encompassing as possible, including both men and women of al orientations and lifestyles. Each has lived in a committed master/

  slave relationship for at least one year. That, and the wil ingness to be interviewed, are the only criteria for inclusion.

  I have also interviewed several others who have attempted to create this kind of relationship without success, thereby giving some 35

  I suggest my Partners In Power, Greenery Press, Oakland, CA, 2003.

  Appendix D list others.

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  examples and fostering an understanding of what might be avoided.

  About Patrick’s Reflections

  At the end of each chapter you’l find reflections from Patrick, my 24/7 slave of nine years. They are his heart-felt and experienced-based thoughts on life in voluntary servitude. Like me, you wil find him a happy, intel igent, and contented individual. His strength has strengthened me. Here his thoughts strengthen my words.

  For those who are curious, Patrick is nine years younger than I, has a Master’s degree in Community Development, and presently works ful -time outside our home as business development manager for a video and book distribution company. We own our home jointly and in it he cares for me daily as cook, shopper, janitor, butler, laundry guy, and fabulous sex partner. He is also active in one
of our local Leather clubs and spends much of his free time reading Star Trek novels.

  In discussing the writing of his reflections, we had to arrive at what he should cal me in print. We settled on “Sir” since that is his usual form of address to and about me. Though I am somewhat wary of titles such as “My Sir,” I accept the title Sir from him as a shorthand that acknowledges my mastery of him and his surrender to me. I trust you wil see that word in the same light and therefore appropriate for his use. You, on the other hand, are certainly free to cal me “Jack.”

  Acknowledgements

  Few books are one person endeavors. Therefore I wish the acknowledge the hundreds of men and women who have taught me the way of mastery and service, especial y Master Lynn and slave Patrick.

  The masters and slaves who graciously al owed me to interview them for source information and the examples you find in this book also deserve my thanks: Master Jim & slave Marsha (International Master

  & slave 2001, a Gay and Lesbian couple), Steve Sampson & slave Kirk (International Master & slave 2000), Master Vince DiFruscio (a long-time friend in Chicago), Master Scott & Slavette (International Master

  & slave 2002 and husband and wife), Goddess Lakshimi (Professional Dominatrix with a 24/7 slave and Ms World Leather 2004), and Master Lawrence & slave Ernest (a Gay couple).

  I would also like to acknowledge and thank those who were kind enough to read this manuscript in its early form and offer suggestions and corrections: TammyJo Eckhart, Joanne Gaddy, Phil Ross, and slaves Patrick, Marsha, and Slavette.

  As I end this introduction, I strongly urge you to do the “After Reading Activities.” This book is meant to help you on your journey

  -- if you are only talking and not walking, you’l never arrive there. The 9

  plan of the activities is to help you to reflect on the readings so that you have a better understanding of what you want.

  When you do the exercises you wil be actual y creating a journal with three purposes: first it wil have samples of letters, questions, and answers that you wil want to have handy for your prospective master.

  Doing so wil be a good way to both show your seriousness and give a springboard to discussion. Secondly you wil have done your homework, having created a personal ad and a petition. Thirdly you wil have a personalized guide with questions and answers for your interviews.

  Finding a master is a journey. Good luck and as we sang in my childhood, “Happy trails to you.”

  Patrick Reflects: First Thoughts

  Being a slave has a lot to do with feeling. It feels good to serve. There is general contentment in being where you belong and a satisfaction at being bold enough to al ow yourself to achieve it.

  Physical contact with the one you serve is joyous and the attention you are shown causes you to beam with further joy. An intimate little world develops and you can explore each other in ways you never imagined and in ways others can’t conceive.

  Those feelings are not fleeting, as they are when you are caught up in the fantasy of slavery, when certainty lasts only until orgasm. The feelings I refer to remain and build upon each other, growing stronger and more secure with the passage of time. When a Master/slave relationship is successful these feelings are ongoing and a bond is created with your Master that transcends the chain that might be around your neck or the contract that you might have signed.

  That’s what it feels like to be a slave, and you can’t feel that way wishing for it or fantasizing about it. And I’m sorry, folks, you can’t experience it online. You have to become a slave to experience such feelings and that’s what this book is about, a guide to finding your way to fulfil ment through voluntary servitude.

  The first thing you wil have to do is overcome your fear. Even if you’ve wanted it al of your life, when the moment of truth is at hand, part of you resists. Fear grabs hold of your logic and manufactures reasons and excuses for why you can’t fol ow your desires just quite yet. Shame can enter into it as wel . We’re talking about erotic submission and both of those words are counter to what we are taught is appropriate. This resistance to our desires occurs time and time again, sometimes for years. And when you do begin to make positive steps to pursue your desire the resistance can even get stronger. This exchange between desire and fear continue until the desire and longing to be who you real y are can no longer be held back, and you conquer your fear and 10

  take those first real steps.

  This first real step I refer to is different for everyone but you know it has happened by the way your determination moves you in a purposeful way. It may not be the step that transforms your life instantly, but a first step can always be fol owed by more steps.

  That first real step feels wonderful. There is a certainty in knowing you are headed to where you belong. Others won’t understand it but they can’t be expected to, they aren’t on such a path. It feels right even in the midst of not knowing precisely what’s ahead.

  But the journey to becoming a slave, no matter how “right” and

  “natural” it feels, isn’t easy or instantaneous. Like the young wolf that Jack London wrote of in “White Fang” there wil be resistance even in the midst of growing certainty that this is what is right for you.

  It came hard, going as it did, counter to much that was strong and dominant in his own nature; and, while he disliked it in the learning of it, unknown to himself he was learning to like it. It was a placing of his destiny in another’s hands, a shifting of the responsibilities of existence. This in itself was compensation, for it is always easier to lean upon another than to stand alone….But it did not al happen in a day, this giving over of himself, body and soul, to the man-animals.36

  A true slave never loses their strength or dominance. Erotic slavery isn’t about being beaten into submission. Quite the contrary, you retain those good parts of yourself and turn them to helping you serve your Master, and that’s when the journey becomes exciting and fulfil ing. Your strength and dominance become tools that help you serve better.

  Commitment to this path is a weighty thing, however. When fear takes hold and causes panic at the thought of continuing, the easy way out is to run and deny yourself. If slavery is indeed your destiny such fears wil subside and eventual y your thoughts wil return to what you real y want and you wil continue your journey.

  There is another feeling that is important to talk about at this point in our discussion: loneliness. In our society you can be in the midst of a crowd and stil be overwhelmed by loneliness. You can be surrounded by a loving family and friends and stil feel alone because you don’t believe they real y understand who you are. Loneliness can come about as a result of feeling overwhelmed by responsibilities or dissatisfaction with life or by forcing yourself to live up to someone 36

  London, Jack, The Call of the Wild, White Fang, & To Build a Fire, Random House, New York, 1998, p. 148

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  else’s expectations. I think many people want to become a slave simply because they want someone to love them, to cherish them for who they are.

  Whatever the form of loneliness, becoming a slave is not the ultimate solution, an il usion…giving up al control and responsibility and hiding from the outside world, being taken down to your raw self and remade into whatever wil make you be valued, this isn’t slavery.

  You first need to face whatever it is that is causing your loneliness and conquer it, coming out of the experience a more confident person and better able to discern if slavery is to be a part of your future.

  Books on slavery are often written by Masters and while they certainly have a clear understanding about what slavery involves, that understanding is based on an opposing perspective… that of dominance, i.e., that of having a slave and of being served. Slaves qualified to write about on the subject are busy serving their Masters and would rather do so than spend writing about HOW they serve. So the task is usual y left to the Masters and so many important nuances are left out.

  When my master Jack Ri
nel a ( who did live five years as a slave to Master Lynn) decided to write a book on becoming a slave he encouraged me to consider making some contributions to it in the form of reflections for each chapter. Sometimes these are based on the general topic of the chapter, sometimes on a specific idea in a chapter, and sometimes my comments were only prompted by memories of how that topic has played out in my own relationship. But al of them are insights I offer out of my own experience and observations. I hope you wil respect them as such and use them on your journey if they are helpful.

  Becoming a Slave: The Theory and Practice of Voluntary Servitude, wil be a good companion to your journey. Use it to help you understand the many feelings this journey wil bring.

  After Reading Activities

  Get yourself a loose-leaf notebook or start a word processing document in which you wil keep a journal. Use the notebook to write about your first contact with the idea of slavery. Was it in a book? A movie? A friend? How did you feel about it then? How do you feel about it now? Why do you find it attractive? Why are you reading this book?

  Why do you want to be a slave? These questions can lead to greater understanding of yourself and give you some answers for those master applicants wise enough to ask them of you

  What myths and assumptions about slavery do you think you have that might not be based on reality? Can you describe your greatest 12